A little to say about nothing.

Cody’s turned 5 on July 20. Happy Birthday!! It, of course, was just another day to him. Thank goodness, as I forgot until later that day. He got a belated trip to the dog park for my neglect!

It is a scorcher!! I am loving this summer heat!!! This week the forecast is 95+ every day!! Did I mention NO humidity!!

I have discovered Twitter & Twitterfeed. I must admit I like it. I can feed the blogs and various news updates I receive to twitter instead clogging my e-mail inbox.

I have found a radio station that plays 80’s music. Nothing like a little The Cure & Morrissey to start the day. And, this past weekend there was plenty of the ‘80s hair bands such as Def Leppard. Another station was playing John Denver. Ah, nothing like Rocky Mountain High, Colorado!! Good stuff!

I do believe Portland driving is going to be my undoing. It is painfully slow!!!

Given it may be a few months before I have a place of my own, I collected my clothes out of storage. When I opened the boxes, I realized after a month in the "big" city, my clothes are horribly dated. This was confirmed when I took them to the consignment shop. I believe what the woman at the consignment shop said was the Portland look was a bit “harder.” The woman at the consignment shop was a double for Maxxe by the way. The woman who went on the Guatemala trip with me. At any rate, the consignment shop woman was right so we put the clothes in a barrel to go to a local charity. Hell, I had a cute little suede jacket with, uh, shoulder pads! Scary! I kept the jacket though, it is super cute, I couldn’t part with it. Yes, it is a sickness.

I don’t think I am edgy enough for Portland. I need to reinvent myself, which just might include a tattoo. There are many tattooed people in Portland. I understand it is an art expression, but I struggle with the amount I see on the neck and chest. I saw a woman today with angel wings around her neck. I think this must be the naivety or perhaps ignorance of youth. What exactly does she think those wings are going to look like as she begins to lose her youthful tautness? Is this something that twenty somethings don’t think about? Perhaps it just doesn’t matter. I suppose she can figure that out when she gets on the other side of 35. All I know, is I preferred my youth of thick black eyeliner and heavy blue eyeshadow. There are only photos to remind me vs. looking like Tammy Fay. I wouldn’t mind a tattoo, but it will be discreet and in place that will have minimum sag. So needless to say it won’t be on my butt. Ha ha!!

People amuse me! Last week I got on the elevator at floor 16 along with another woman heading to floor G. A man from engineering got in at floor 12 and hit the floor 3 button. The sigh from the woman was audible to us both. The man said something I don’t remember, it might have even been an apology about not going to G. He was met with a very stern gaze from the woman who then looked at me as if I shared her frustration. The thing is, I am not sure what exactly was making her so angry. I laughed and said, “Well, we almost made it to G. Oh well.” This made me the object of the stern gaze the man had just received. I found myself engaging in babbling happy chatter with the man because I didn’t want him to feel bad and the woman’s angry energy was making me nervous. When I we exited at G, I remembered something a former boss used to say, “You choose your attitude.” I admit some days it doesn’t feel that way, but it is true.

Funny things overheard

“Do you think I am going to smell by the end of the week.” The young girl said to her friend as she got in the car. Hmmmmmmm.

Expectations

Expectations are fascinating. Expectations are insidious and have the capacity to create misunderstandings that have deleterious effects on relationships.

We all have them. Sometimes we are conscious of them, sometimes we are not. We stand opposite someone with our expectations and some of us hit the indignant button when the other does not act or respond according to our expectations, and even worse has their own set of expectations. Some of us think that something is fundamentally wrong with us and must not measure up, instead of realizing someone’s expectations has been placed on us. It seems it would be easier if we could compare expectation lists. I suppose this would not be realistic, so the best we can do is to work toward awareness and presence and owning and communicating our feelings and needs.

I read this somewhere:

If instead of having expectations we look at how things actually exist and turn inward for stability and happiness we can achieve a much more peaceful state of mind. We can still enjoy the positive things we experience in life but we won't be devastated when they eventually fade or fall away.

Dreaming is one thing, and working towards the

dream is one thing, but working with expectations
in the mind is very self-defeating.

-Michael Landon

The cutest!!!

I've seen the future and it will be!

My first blog on my new MacBook Pro. I LOVE IT!

It is little odd to visit the Apple store as most of the techs are about 21. I hate to admit they talk too fast for me. I try to find the guy with wrinkles for assistance! One guided me to a book! NICE! :-0 I can reference that again and again.

This blog will be a bit of non-sequitur, much like my last few weeks.

Randomness:

* You look like someone I know. I have received that comment numerous times in the last few weeks.

* Mt. Hood still takes my breath away.

* I have had many glimpses of the peak-less Mt St. Helens as well.

* I have no complaints about the weather. It has been absolutely stunning! My favorite day was when the air conditioning broke down at work! AH!!!!!!! warmth. I have not been able to convince Engineering that I am happiest at about 75 degrees. Ah well.

* I am reaching a zero tolerance for yappy dogs. My mom’s condo complex is full of them!

Present?

Present moment and mindfulness were lost on me this week. For example, I got on the elevator on floor 6 heading to floor 15. At floor 9 a guy got in and asked me where I was going. Right! I hadn’t pushed a button. Scary. He then asked me if I had gone to the basement and then back up. Yes, yes, I was riding the elevator to pass time. Well, it wasn’t an unreasonable question given I hadn’t pushed a button! I am surprised how spacey I am this week. I guess I am still adjusting. When I think about calling my friend Jen I still add three hours. Oops she lives in CA. For those who are more astrologically inclined perhaps it is the numerous eclipses occurring this month wreaking havoc on my inner life. I know, big eye roll for some.

I listened to the Sakyong and Pema Chodron talk this weekend. Both were an inspiration and I am looking forward to meeting the Sakyong in October.

At some point this week it hit me that moving was similar to rafting a class IV or perhaps even a V. I am riding the waves and at times even getting doused with very cold water. My feelings are: fear, exhilaration, excitement, apprehension, anticipation, and wonder.

Thinking of rafting reminds me of a time I fell out of the boat. Now mind you I had taken quite a few courses at the local pool, which I will go on record and say a pool does not replicate a river! The instructions we received should we fall out was orient yourself down stream and keep your feet up. Piece a cake in the friggen pool!!! The thing is I believed the instructors. This is a bit like the meditation instruction I have received: tighten your practice, focus on the out breath, stay with the experience, and label your thoughts. Um, ok, hard to do sitting on a cushion much less in day-to-day life.

My reality of falling out of a boat was equivalent to being tossed into a washing machine! Downstream? Um, right, I was spinning in circles. I couldn’t have pointed my feet downstream for a million dollars. I was tossed around like a rag doll, pushed to the bottom of the river, and slammed against rocks. I finally clutched my legs and attempted to roll in a ball to prevent my back from getting broken. All I could do is wait until my body was spit out from the rapids into the eddy. Fortunately I was unscathed other than numerous bruises on my legs.

Moral of this story: do not make decisions when tossed about! Hold on until you reach calmer waters!

Boredom led me to Twitter. OH NO! Why it doesn’t lead me to the must read books stacked on my floor, I haven’t a clue! So, in an attempt to stay busy and minimize my Internet surfing. I have signed up for a class at the local Shambhala Center, a Spanish class and a Social Justice Community Service class at the School of Buddhist studies. I have no idea what to expect from the latter, but all my favorite words were used!

GPS devices!

Tom Tom is leading me astray. Now that I am learning my own way I find it takes me on the strangest routes. I went to my brother’s on Saturday and was on the phone so I was at the mercy of Tom Tom as I don’t know my way there quite yet. It led me there by way of the back roads. Last weekend I went to Bainbridge Island and it led me to water. It was an amazing day so I thoroughly enjoyed the unplanned ferry ride. Mt. Rainier provided a stunning backdrop and Cody was lavished with attention on his first ferry ride. Of course, the ferry horn was about his undoing. I saw my first Improv show that night. What a great time!! Good to laugh that hard!

On the return home in attempt to avoid the ferry I tried to reroute Tom Tom and it wanted to take me nearly to Idaho! Finally, my friend, Stephanie, wrote down directions for me.

Still learning a lot about the mental health realm. I toured a facility and learned about the suicide proofing that goes into planning. The most intriguing to me was the suicide proof glass. It shatters, but a film prevents it from crumbling so it stays intact yet shattered. So one can’t go through it or cut themselves with the shards. There has to be a life analogy in there somewhere.

I still struggle with spelling psychiatrist. Sometimes I get it at first shot, but other times it takes 2-3 times!

"Trust that the big river of your life has a plan for you and let it carry you onward. Throw overboard those things that are weighing you down. Be open to revising your maps. Take a deep breath and move into the current."

Until next time. Namaste!

The Dance

The wounded is drawn to the illusion of strength. He proceeds with caution clutching a knife, which only enforces strength. Ah, but if wounded was perceptive he would recognize he is looking into a mirror. Perhaps, if he had noticed, then he would have been comfortable dropping the knife. Strength is deceptive. It is a shell that protects the softness and vulnerability inside. Each attack increases the shell’s thickness, but shatters what is inside. The wounded takes on the victim role and strength holds onto illusion. Velocity and attachment to the external keep the two in motion until nothing is left. There is nothing positive remaining, it was like it never happened.

Sun - it does a mind good!

I made it through the rain! The cloud of heaviness that was part of my experience last week has passed. Perhaps it is due to the fact that the sun has been shining all week. The first thing I see when I wake, is beautiful blue sky. I even canceled my gray coverage appointment because the sun is doing a fine job on disguising the gray.

I am still feeling a bit off, but I think that is more due to still feeling a little off center in my new environment and allergies! I now fully understand those who suffer from allergies and I am sorry if I was not empathetic. WHAT a miserable feeling. I had a sleepless night last night as my ears & throat were on fire, my nose and eyes were like a fire hydrant, and I could not stop sneezing. This combined with the fact my face and hands burned. YIKES. I think some of it was attributed to brushing out thousands of small green burrs from Cody's coat. He was covered head to toe. The little things were matted into his ears and chest area. He basically has no hair on his tail due to my butcher job. I definitely won't be going into dog grooming anytime soon. Thank God he doesn't care.

So how did he get this way? I spent the Fourth in Yamhill,OR. The wine country of Portland. It was absolutely beautiful!! And, Cody got to be a dog and shake off a seven day cross country drive and being cooped up for the last month and finally work those legs. He was the Golden Retriever version of Born Free. He rolled in the grass, hopped through the tall fields, ate poop, barked at horses, jumped in the pond, ate sticks, and ran and ran with his new Blue Heeler friend, Stone. A Golden Retriever's bliss. So despite being a mess, I am glad he got be a wild & crazy dog for a few hours.It was a wonderful way to spend my first Fourth in Oregon.

Last night one of the guests asked, "what does Fourth of July mean for us?" Or something to that effect. Given she was from Poland, I assume most of thought what does it mean for America, but that isn't what she meant. I found myself pondering that question this a.m. I am not sure I can answer it in the global sense, but last night felt like a lot of new beginnings. I sat on the deck with a friend of a friend whom I never met until last night. He and his relatively new wife are starting a new journey with a new home. Albeit it has been the root of a lot of stress for them from an outsider perspective it looks like new opportunities and a new chapter in their lives. I brought a friend from college with whom I reunited on Facebook and it turns out all these years later, we are at similar places in our lives. I believe there are no accidents and the night was full of new experiences, new beginnings and opportunities. I felt a warmth and excitement for the future. Something that has been lacking in my life for quite some time. Overall, I had a wonderful evening and was glad to share it with new friends.

Oh, my friend Jason started his journey from OR to VT today on a road bike. GO JASON!! I am sorry I missed connecting with you. Think positive thoughts for him!

The week
I love dog parks! My favorite names thus far are Cheesy, which is short for Cheezit and Stumper. Cracks me up!

This area is so dog friendly. I LOVE IT! The gas stations have treats. Water dishes line the street. Dogs are allowed outside where restaurants have outside seating. A friend & I took advantage of this and Cody was lavished with attention. I do believe Cody has had more contact with people in the last four weeks than the last five years of his dog life in VT.

Summer blows the cover on pleasant ville West Linn. With the windows open I can hear the couples fighting and parents yelling at their kids as I walk Cody.

I got a little over confident and didn't use my trusted navigator, Tom Tom going to work one morning. YUP. Got lost! I do use it less and less though.

I am still getting used to ramp lights. I can't tell you how many I have almost blown through, only to slam on the brake at the last minute with the realization,I have to wait until the light turns green. I see a ticket in my future for that or speeding.

When I move into my own place, I am going to have to spend a week at a coffee detox place. I spend far too much time at Starbucks and now they have this clever strategy to keep you addicted. Purchase a cup of coffee in the a.m. and get a receipt for a $2 iced drink after 2! Yeah, I see what you are doing Starbucks!!

BIG NEWS! I saw a Reach the Beach t-shirt on a cyclist this week. I was so excited!! I wanted to yell out, but he was on a bike and I was in a car!! After doing three, I would never do another, but GREAT memories!

Not much to say about work this week. I am enjoying it thus far, but I am still climbing the learning curve and building relationships.

Overall, I had a great week and even better three day weekend. I met new people and also spent some time just being a bum reading books and magazines. I haven't done that in months so I am feeling more relaxed. Today I am off to buy a new computer. I am going MacBook!! I figure the money I have saved living with my mom should be spent! Doing my job to stimulate the economy!

HAPPY FOURTH!!!


Photo credits: The first two Yamhill shots taken by Lynn