Happy Holidays and Happy New Year!

Another decade! Hard to believe!

I have now been in Portland seven months. It doesn’t feel like that long even though I have gone from that place of everything is new and exciting to that of somewhat familiar. Although, I still get lost on occasion and have not even scratched the surface in uncovering all the quaint restaurants and shops Portland has to offer. I am a huge fan of small boutique and artisan shops. Fortunately, Portland has many and I have met people who are introducing me to the quaintness and uniqueness of Portland. 

I have managed somehow to pack on 15 pounds since my arrival. As my friend’s two year old would say, “Howd dat hapin?”  I am not so sure. Well, ok, too much eating out and I stopped running.  I miss my 20’s where all I had to do is reduce what I ate and exercise – gone in a few weeks. This is NOT true of the 40’s. Ah well, one step at a time. I have hit the gym and donned the running shoes despite the screaming ankle.

This is the first Christmas in 25 years where I am not joining the hustle and bustle of other travelers. I am not glued to the weather report listening for incoming storms in Boston, Philly, Denver, or Chicago and then wondering if I should reschedule my flight or risk getting caught somewhere. I am not stressing about how I am going to squeeze in family AND friends once I arrive in Portland.  It is the first year I won’t have a chance to read all those magazines I get. I typically went through at least 10 magazines and a book flying coast to coast during the Holidays.  This year I am working through Christmas Eve, will celebrate Christmas with my family, connect with new and old friends and then back to work on Monday.  I have to admit, it feels very strange. 

Many years ago someone told me it isn’t change that is hard, it is the transition! AMEN to that. It is hard to talk about because people either assume I must be happy or unhappy with my move, but it really is neither of those emotions – it is just different.  I am in the midst of creating a new life and am not sure what that is going to look like.  I think as we get older we are more attached to routine and this is my first year where nothing is routine. I admit, I miss the routine.  I still believe moving west was something I needed to do, but all the same harder than I thought. Recently, I had dinner with a psychiatrist colleague and mentioned that I didn’t give enough attention to how hard it was going to be to leave a life I was fairly content with the last 7 years. Not to mention coming back to west coast culture. He said in the last seven months I have experienced at least three of the top stressors in life. In some way unbeknownst to him that validated all my mixed emotions. PHEW! Glad that is cleared up!  I know, blah, blah, blah, I keep writing of my transition, but  that has been my head space the last several months. That is not to say I haven’t had some great experiences and met some wonderful people – I just haven’t found my groove. Basically, Stella’s looking for her groove and believes it will unfold in 2010 as 2009 has been a lot of letting go. I have connected with a few organizations focused on ending poverty and addressing homelessness as this work is important to me and I look forward to strengthening the connection to these organizations in 2010.

This year Portland was saved from the snow and ice that hit the region last year and instead we will experience a relatively warm clear day. Personally, I am disappointed it won’t be a white Christmas. A part of me misses the events around cold weather:  hot chocolate, sledding, crunchy snow, cabin trips, attempting to ice skate, trips to Quebec City, getting stuck, then unstuck, snow shoeing, moonlight x-country skiing, and watching the snow fall while sipping warm coffee. However, this is not the experience of Portlanders.  If you want to watch someone have a near apoplectic fit, mention snow to or near someone from Portland.

Yes, it is true, Portland is not designed for snow fall, which apparently has traumatized the people. I don’t mean to be rude, but the reaction to the mere mention of snow is quite intense.  However, for me, I have incredibly fond New England snow memories packed with laughter. I will conveniently forget what happens as the snow begins to melt, the hassle of walking a dog on a sheet of ice, the angst of hitting the car brake, only to continue to move forward (typically down a hill), and what the salt and gravel does to your shoes, clothes, cars, and floors. And, no doubt in March as signs of spring blossom in Portland, I will be thankful as I know in New England it will be early to late May before it begins to feel like spring.

I have started what has become a ritual over the last three years of evaluating the past year and writing what I have learned, how I have grown, etc. This includes writing a list of what I am releasing and setting intentions for the New Year. I have really enjoyed this ritual as it honors endings and new beginnings. 

In 2010 I am looking forward to a trip to the Galapagos Islands, which is something I have wanted to do since I was 27. I still remember the catalog I held onto for years with the trip circled. I am excited to see my nephew continue to develop and spend time with that sweet little baby girl in California who can demolish a room faster than a hurricane and then ask, “Howd dat hapin?” I am going to Colorado to take advantage of teachings from teachers I have admired for years, Fleet Maul and Pema Chodron.  Cycle Oregon is a possibility as are the San Juan Islands and a volunteer trip to New Orleans.  I hope to have visits from my DHMC partners in crime, Ann and Cricket, or perhaps we will reunite in Alaska or Montana! And, who knows what else will unfold based on my New Year intentions.

May all have a prosperous New Year!!!! 

May unconditional love blossom ever more in your heart!
May your heart-mind resonate in loving-kindness!
May all your actions of body, speech and mind serve all beings!
May you love and be loved for who you are!
May all beings overcome suffering and live happiness with wisdom!
May form and emptiness generate ever more awareness in your life!
May wisdom and compassion combined flourish in you!

May you pursue your path with the universal essence of all beings!